TIPS WE CAN LEARN FROM A DOG

Tips We Can Learn From A Dog

- Never pass up the opportunity for a joy ride.

- Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

- When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

- Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

- When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.

- Take naps and stretch before rising.

- Run, romp, and play daily.

- Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

- Be loyal.

- Never pretend to be something you’re not.

- If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

- When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them…gently.

- Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

- Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

- On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

- When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

- No matter how often you are scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout…run right back and make friends.

- Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Author: Unknown

A New Day! - A Virtual Community

They say, “If you can’t beat them, join them!” 

I was not a fan of this virtual world that was growing around me.  When I first moved from New York City to California eons ago, my happiest moments were when I received letters from different people in New York.  As the World Wide Web (WWW) began to surface, I began learning how to write emails to my family, instead of waiting for letters that slowly stopped coming.  Surfing the web took time to get used to.  At my staff meetings, they stopped giving out hand-outs.  It’s all sent by email and before you know it everything became “virtual.” 

I don’t remember who introduced me to Facebook.  But one day, I joined the Facebook and discovered a hidden community, people I already knew but didn’t know they had a “virtual” world.  I still remember walking into the church the next Sunday and seeing some faces who also looked at me with a smile and said, “Welcome to the Facebook!”  I felt like I joined a secret club.  In my Facebook world, I did not ask people to become my friend.  When someone asked me to be their friend, I ignored these requests.  I have to be good friends with them in real life before I accepted their request.

Then, Covid-19 happened. Then, the virtual world exploded.  The world became a virtual world where students did distance-learning and teachers taught distance-teaching.  Groups of all kinds began meeting through Zoom. As a retired person trying to figure out how to live the rest of my life, suddenly I saw an opportunity right before my eyes.  It was an opportunity that did not require for me to get out of the comfort of my house, with no driving, no supervisor evaluating me, and almost everything under my own control (I sure hope).  I will always remember June 2020.  In this month, I came out of my comfort zone and produced my own Youtube Channel (Dr. Grace).  Then June 30th, 2020, I decided to take another step out of my comfort zone.  I asked people that I don’t know well and even people I do not know to become my friends.  For this Ms. Shy (me), this was a big step.  It required courage (believe it or not).  I guess I can say I “broke out.”  It’s only a few weeks now, but since then, I have gained 700+ new friends.  I’ve entered the virtual community of Facebook.  Now I read and see the stories of people I have never known from other parts of the country, and the world.  It’s a new day for me.

Coping with Auditory Weaknesses

Life where listening is not as easy as seeing.

In my many years of working with children and youths to assess them for learning difficulties, I have found auditory processing deficit to be more common than visual processing deficit.  When I did informal surveys of my college students in the psychology classes, this was also true.  This suggests that chances are, there is a greater probability that children or adults around you have auditory weaknesses.

What are some of the indicators for auditory weaknesses?  Auditory processing can involve comprehension, memory, and oral skills. 

Signs of auditory weaknesses include difficulties with: 

1.  Understanding what was just being said (comprehension):  Watching and following fast-paced interactions in movies or TV shows can be challenging.  When someone says something and everyone is laughing, you may laugh with them but you didn’t really “get it.”  As a result, it is difficult to make quick or witty responses in social situations, not easy to be funny in a spontaneous way, and frequently you walk away with regrets of “what I could have said” in self-defense (insight occurring a bit too late).

2.  Following verbal instructions (comprehension and memory):  It is challenging to take good notes in an instructional setting (like a classroom or seminar) since you have difficulty retaining the information while you’re writing at the same time.  You end up looking over the neighbor’s notes or watch them to figure out what you’re supposed to do now.  You end up wrongfully accused of not paying attention or not following direction by the teacher (in school) or parent (at home). 

3.  Remembering the names of new friends you just met recently (memory):  It is hard to remember acquaintances’ names and getting connected with less familiar people.  In this world of networking, this can lead to frustration as people’s names are the first step in getting connected.

4.  Social settings (oral skills):  This can be somewhat anxiety provoking.  It’s not easy to go to parties where you are expected to socialize with others and do casual types of conversation because social settings generally require spontaneous verbal interaction (unlike work/classroom meetings where you can come prepared).

Suggestions for overcoming auditory weaknesses:

1.  Compensate by using your (visual) strengths to help the auditory weaknesses.  Look for visual cues to help figure out and/or remember things.  Take notes, whether it’s information or an appointment as it will help you to remember important details.  Yes, sit next to someone who takes good notes (I did).

2.  Do not be afraid to ask the speaker to repeat.  It is amazing how someone else in the listening group would appreciate that you asked for repetition (you’d be surprised that you’re in good company).

3.   Repeat back to the speaker what was said as a way of confirming or clarifying that you heard correctly.  For example, when asked to do some favor, you can say, “So you want me to drop this in the mailbox for you?”

4.   If someone is pitching for some endorsement, ask for a brochure, or some written material.  Tell them that you will “look over” and decide.  I have done this all my life and it allowed me time to review while reading the material to think through before making any decision.

Suggestions for helping someone with auditory weaknesses:

1.  Repeat verbal directions.  And when you repeat, try to rephrase it instead of repeating word for word because the listener may have had trouble understanding it the way it was said the first time.  An auditory learner may retort with “I heard you the first time.”  But don’t let that stop you from repeating yourself because someone else would appreciate your repeated words.  If you’re talking to a child, it is best to make eye contact before talking to them.

2.  Provide visual cues when giving verbal directions.  It will help to draw a picture or diagram on a piece of paper or a board when explaining something.  It will sink in better.  When giving driving directions, instead of “make right here, make left there,” it is helpful to say, “When you see the McDonald’s restaurant, then, make right at that corner.”  It will help the listener to visualize what to expect as they drive.

3.  Try not to go on and on with a story or instruction.  Fast talk with much embellishment does not help this person.  Stop and summarize or paraphrase what you were saying, so it will give the listener chance to understand and digest.  Ask if they’re following so far and look for signs.  Sometimes, poor auditory person may say “yes” to the question because they’re too shy or embarrassed to say that they are NOT following or understanding.  If this is a child and you just gave some directions, you may check for understanding by saying, “So what are you supposed to do?”

4.  Best preferred way of compliment or praise would be a written note, a text, an email, or a card.  This person will be encouraged and cherish the note!  If this is your child, post their art work or awards in visible places.

Auditory Learner: A Strength

My husband, Joseph, is an auditory learner.

Twenty-something years ago when cell phones started to make their way into everyone’s lives, one of Joseph’s first jobs in California was selling cell phones at a mall.  His verbal skills were excellent and he easily became the top salesman.  Within weeks of his work, he became an assistant manager, then soon, a manager of the kiosk at the mall.  The amazing thing was that he also had Latino customers and was selling the phones in Spanish.  I asked him where did he learn Spanish, thinking did he visit or live somewhere where Spanish is the dominant language.  He said he learned it during his middle school years in New York City.  Well, we all learned Spanish in middle school in New York City, but most of us can’t speak enough to communicate, let alone sell things!  He picks up new languages rather quickly and easily.  His Korean improved when we watched Korean dramas (while busy reading English subtitles) and he began to speak some Chinese when we watched Chinese dramas.

Joseph has a ton of songs memorized in his head.  Once he hears a song enough times, he remembers it accurately without ever seeing the music notes.  The other day, we were looking at a song sheet together.  I thought I’ve never seen this song before.  The truth is we never did “see” the song before.  But about 15 years ago, when we attended a morning prayer meeting at a local church, this was the favorite song of the worship leader.  She sang this song almost everyday.  We were with her perhaps half a year before she left the meeting.  So we never sang that song again.  Now 15 years later, Joseph recognizes the song and he was able to sing the entire song! 

Joseph is a witty man, quick with words.  If someone wants to be either funny or sarcastic (happens all the time in the classroom full of teenagers where he teaches math), he gives it right back to them.  Any student in the classroom who targets Joseph ends up being the target and the joke is on them.  Joseph can be stern with the students but can be so funny with his jokes that his students all love him.  They write cards stating that he explains things well, but also say that he made them laugh.  Adults who have been around him all know how he has a great sense of humor and makes people laugh all the time.  The power of auditory learners.

Having Joseph to “argue” the case for me has been tremendous.  When a former roommate and I were having some issues and I didn’t know how to handle the sticky situation, he stepped in and spoke up for me and settled the situation right then and there.  Seeing his verbal strengths, I have since relied on him to negotiate with the outside world especially with phone calls.  When I paid a bill a few days late and ended up with a late charge, he picks up the phone, calls the company and before you know it, he has them drop the charge.  He has gotten good deals on many services by just calling and talking to different companies.  Did I say we have saved money as a result?

Yes, he loves the GPS.  He punches in the address, starts driving, and listens for directions. 

Visual Learner: My Strength

I am a visual learner. 

In the days when there was no spell-check, or auto-correct, I was an excellent speller and an excellent “spell-checker.”  I can so easily spot misspelled words.  It bothers me when I read, “Your welcome.”  (If you don’t see how it would bother me, you’re likely not a visual learner.)  During my college years at New York University, I did summer jobs as a clerk-typist and my skills were well appreciated.  When I was ending my part-time job for a professor who was a department chair at NYU, she called me the “best secretary” she’s ever had.  It was all due to my neat and well organized personality, thanks to being a visual learner. 

I usually don’t get lost when I’m driving somewhere.  Give me a map and I’ll find the place.  Oftentimes, I will drive myself somewhere for the first time, for example, to someone’s house.  Then, many years later, I visit the same house but without a guide, like a map.  Then, I drive unsure of myself and guess the directions.  I will almost always get to the correct place, usually to my own surprise.  These days, there are GPS and Google Map, so no need for maps when you’re going to unfamiliar places.  However, I always study the map first (these days, from Google), then, write down the directions on a piece of paper before I leave the house.  I look at my notes as I navigate, rather than listen and follow GPS directions.

When people come to our house, we frequently get compliments that our house is nice and clean.  This is more the reflection of my visual learning style.  First, I arrange the furniture and put decorations up in the most aesthetic appearance.  Then, I have the need to put things in its original order or place after use.  I hate mess and if things are scattered or in disarray, it bothers me.  A long time ago, when I was single and working on my doctoral degree, I moved from one apartment to another one in the same building.  Furniture found their new places, including several bookshelves.  The books that go into the bookshelves were piled on the floor waiting to be put back in the shelves.  However, I had a paper due the next day and I didn’t have much time.  I needed every minute I had to write this paper.  But as I was moving about in the new apartment, I was bothered by the mess on the floor.  I kept telling myself “this can wait,” but after telling myself this a few times, I couldn’t stand it.  I spent the next several hours putting the books into the bookshelves.  I was mad at myself for being so obsessively meticulous in the new apartment.  However, I was able to concentrate on my work better after the mess was off the floor.

Oh.  For those friends on Facebook who post, “Find_____” in the given seemingly confusing picture, it’s always a piece of cake.  I always find the answer in less than 30 seconds.  It’s easy for visual learners.

Learning curve on the computer

Computer

Source of joy and frustration…..while still learning

Did I say website management is like learning a new language? It is indeed a new language. I understand the definition of each word in the sentence, in its original meaning 20 years ago. But I can’t seem to follow simple English directions. I received some help but can’t seem to expand on it. So this post is still a test.

Tools for Relationships: Learning Styles

Many years ago, when I taught a child psychology class, one of the lessons was about different learning styles.  In particular, I described visual learning style and auditory learning style, and how they manifest in real life.  I also discussed how to handle the challenges associated with these learning styles.  One student, an older woman, approached me at the end of the course and told me that I have saved her marriage.  She told me that in all the years of their marriage, she and her husband constantly argued and they couldn’t understand each other.  After learning about different learning styles, she finally understood her husband.  Knowledge is powerful!

We are all born with strengths and weaknesses in how we learn… how we take in information and how we process them.  Unfortunately, we often think others process information just like we do.  Then, we get frustrated when the other person did not get the point that we thought was simple and clear!  This happens in all of our relationships, between spouses, parents and children, between coworkers, and even with strangers.

Types of learning styles:  Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. 

Most people can be divided generally into visual learners and auditory learners.  Examples of characteristics are described below:

Visual:  Good with reading maps (prefers to look at the map rather than follow audible GPS direction), neat (hates mess), notices details, prefers texting (rather than talking on the phone), enjoys nice view.

Auditory:  Good with learning new language and songs (learns by listening rather than reading music), good verbal skills (can be witty), sensitive to noise (hard to concentrate when the background is noisy), prefers talking on the phone (rather than writing emails), enjoys nice music.

So what is your learning style?  What is the learning style of your spouse or your child?  Once you know what they are, you can reduce the frustration level greatly by understanding the strengths and weaknesses of yourself and others.  I will share more in days to come.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

For all the mothers…you are beautiful on sunny days and rainy days and always.

MOTHER

On a sunny day…

MOTHER

On a rainy day…protecting the babies under her wings.

Website management is like learning a new language.

I had to learn English at age 12. As a second language, it was a challenge and in spite of having now lived in the U.S. over 50 years, I still don’t feel like I speak English well enough. Now, when I’m reading the instructions on using the new technology, I feel like I’m back to learning a new language. I see the word (mind you, they’re easy English words) but don’t understand what it means. Maybe I need a dictionary, maybe find a tech language for dummies book.

Tips for Life (Ann Landers)

Give people more than they expect, and do so cheerfully.

Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you’d like.

Don’t say, “I love you,” unless you really mean it.

When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it’s the only way to live life completely.

In disagreements, fight fair. No name-calling.

Don’t judge people by their relatives.

When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

Call your mom.

Say, “Bless you,” when you hear someone sneeze.

Don’t let a little squabble damage a good friendship.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, conversation will be one of the principal elements of your relationship.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Read more books, and watch less TV.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams will never accomplish much.

Never let your mouth get ahead of your head.

Spend some time alone. Constant socializing can be draining.

Open your mind to change, but don’t let new ideas dilute your principles.

Live an honorable life. When you get older, you’ll be glad you did.

When you don’t know what to do, pray. You’ll be surprised at how much it will help you decide.

A loving atmosphere in your home is important. It will also help keep your children from needing therapy.

Judge your success by what you had to give up to get it.

Remember that not getting what you want may be the best thing that never happened to you.

Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

Mind your own business.

Trust in God, but lock your car.